one time there was a boy named Jasper. He lived in a place called Amorfina.
Amorfina looked like it was made of Cool-Whip, except everything was
candy-colored and so shiny that you wanted to lick it—like patent leather.
Even the landscape was dollop-shaped. Although you would think anybody
would love to live in a Cool-Whip-candy-dollop world, Jasper was bored
of it. All day he dreamed about straight lines, squares, sharp corners,
and triangles. He longed for things he had never seen, but we would
say those things were flat, angular, geometric. When Jasper tried to
tell his friends about his dreams, they made fun of him. Nobody could
understand why he wasn’t happy with life in Amorfina. No one understood
So he took off with his dog, Hector.
Verily, one time there was a girl named
Claire. She lived in a place called Smudgeria. It looked like the whole
place was underwater because the fog was so thick all the time. All
the colors were muted and gray. They atmosphere was so heavy you could
never quite make out where one object ended and another began. It was
like being in an old movie with a smoke machine on. Even though you
would think anyone would love to live in an underwater-atmospheric-smoke-machine
world, Claire was bored of it. She dreamed of seeing things clearly.
She longed for a hard edge, a sharp line, a bright light. She didn’t
know what it was called, but we would say she wanted everything to be
in focus. When Claire tried to talk to her friends about her dreams
they laughed at her. They couldn’t understand why she wasn’t happy in
Smudgeria. No one understood Claire…
So she took off with her cat, Lublu.
Now, it just so happens that about halfway
between Amorfina and Smudgeria was a place called Scuttlebutt. And it
just so happens that when Jasper left Amorfina he turned right, and
when Claire left Smudgeria, she turned right, and they both ended up
(it just so happens) in Scuttlebutt.
Scuttlebutt was perfect for Jasper because
it was flat and straight and had square buildings all over it. Even
the mountains were perfect triangles. Scuttlebutt was perfect for Claire
because everything was in sharp focus. There were bold colors and a
beaming sun, and all the edges were clear.
After Jasper found his way around and
moved into an apartment, he got a job as a painter. After Claire found
her way around and moved into an apartment, she got a job as a journalist.
Then it happened…
Shortly after these two souls arrived
in Scuttlebutt, the King and Queen decided to have a big party with
dancing and eating and lots of beautiful clothes. So they called the
local painting company to redo their ballroom, and they made all the
arrangements. This was going to be the party of the century. All the
newspapers got to send someone to cover the story.
In this way, Jasper and Claire each got
to attend the gala-bash-festival at the castle. It was fate. It was
destiny. You’ll never believe what happened!
Jasper bumped into Princess Leah by the
punchbowl, and in the midst of apologies, they fell in love with each
other. Claire tripped on a Persian rug, and when she looked up to see
who had caught her, she and Prince Michael tumbled head over heals in
There was a double wedding on the night
of the next full moon, and they all (Claire, Michael, Jasper, and Leah)
lived happily ever after.
Oh yeah. And Princess Leah had a dog
named Lulu, and Prince Michael had a dog named Amos. And Lulu and Amos
and Hector and Lublu all fell in love with Spot and Fifi and Galadriel
and Spike and they all lived happily ever after too.